This will probably be the most life changing article that I have ever wrote, to those that wish I would have spoke and put awareness to this issue. Does material things lead to abusive relationships? Being young and immature, full of focus and ambition, can sometimes make you forget the things that matter most. Its the curse of being a leader, but also the responsibility of making sure those that you lead, has a real meaning in whom they follow. I hope to open your eyes to a reality that has become so materialistic, but through my words will lead to a much better place, which includes salvation through all your trials and tribulations. This year I decided to take on a challenge for a semester. The challenge was 1. To work on finishing my degree and becoming a lawyer 2. Stay on campus, because of my off campus antics while attending school for the very first time while being off campus 3. Do not tell anyone that you have a house, job, and car, but I could at least tell them that I stayed on campus for the purpose of dating. Also, do not date anyone that even hints that their requirement must include the job, car, and house. In the end of this journey, I was suppose to see the real picture, and indeed, I saw a picture that would change my life forever. I decided to take on the challenge and do research on a study that would show trends in people's relationship requirements, which included those individuals that would only give consideration for dating or socializing, to those that had a car, job, and place. It seems like a very common thing for most that look for stability in relationships. This research will focus on whether this ultimatum for consideration would lead into a happy and healthy relationship, or abusive and possesive relationships. This study would shock all those that would read this research paper, and has lead so many to change up their habits. My focus isnt to change anyone requirements, but to give awareness to those of mitigating factors that can play a huge part in "What people really find important to them in beginning a possible relationship or friendship." Lets begin, a woman who got tired of taking care of someone during most of her relationships. She felt that it was time to start dating people under a new set of rules, and those that she felt was independent, with their own car, job, and place would "Only" be given opportunity to date her. The car, job, and place was accomplishments that she already had, but was seeking a individual that was at the same level as her, or better. She met a nice person over the internet, and saw everything that she wanted in someone. Her first question after she recieved a message from this someone, was whether the individual had a car, job, and place. This someone had a nice house, a very expensive car, and a career as a doctor, so everything on her criteria was met. After establishing these requirements of a job, car, and place through pictures e-mailed to her accout. She decided ot meet this person for dinner a couple of hours later. She did not want to wait for any competition to get in front of her by procrasinating on this newfound golden nugget individual. After they met and went to dinner, she notice some issues with looks, and even had a lot of sarcasm and snobbish views. But she felt all the material items that he had, was a good enough reason for him to act in a way, she thought would be inappropriate for others to treat her. After a while she became tolerant of his attitude and behavior and things with this person was starting to improve. He took her to dinner regularly, and spoiled her with gifts, whether she ask for them or not. She was beginning to start falling in love with this person, head over heels. Even though it was on and off tempur problems from this individual. The person would than buy her a cell phone and started to pay her bills. The person would get her accounts for her utilities, apartment, and even to the car note. This sounded like the perfect dream, and definitely someone she could see herself marrying and having a future with, because she felt as uncomfortable certain behavior from this individual had come, it was still worth going through. She would begin to spend more nights at this person house, than her own. She began a regular and consistent partner in this individual life. It became so serious to the point this person told her to move in, and she didnt need her own place. It seem like the perfect ideal situation, but as perfect as it appeared, would come the price she paid for those luxuries. Shortly after she moved in, the person she fell in love with became a completely different person. The person would check her incoming and outgoing calls. She had to be home by a specific time, as well as check in with this person on the hour. She was constantly threaten with being put out, and not having no place to go. She had even quit her job, on the promise that this person would take care of all her wants and needs. Her friends had grown distant with her, and they would complain about the possessive nature of her relationship. She even started to show up with black eyes, bruises, and cuts from being in a sparing match with someone she felt would be her one and only. Her family became involved, and as a result things got worse, because as much as they told her not to go back, she felt her life was in danger if she did not. She would than contact her ex 2 years later, whom she had left in order to pursue someone with all of her requirements, a car, job, and place. The ex was in school at the time that they was dating, and had began his career as a lawyer. She told him how sorry she was to have left him, and than disclose what she had been going through since. Acourse, the ex was not too sympathetic, but he loved her, and still wanted to see her get out of a very bad and abusive situation. The ex one day decided to set up a meeting with her to go over ways she could leave. As she was heading to meet him; her current and present lover followed her to the meeting. This someone did not get out the car to confront the pair, but was present watching the two as they talked. Her ex told her to stay with him, and he would make sure she got back on her feet. He would do everything for her, that she had done for him, but she had to be serious and leave her lover. He told her to leave, and go and get her belongings and he would see her that night. They hugged, and she got back in her car and departed to her lover house to pick up her things. As soon as she walked through the door to her lovers house. Her lover was waiting right behind the door. She was viciously assaulted, and even put on life support. She would wake up in the hospital as the doctors told her that she was clinically dead for 5 minutes; she was also put in a medically induced coma, and the doctor could only say "how lucky she was to be a live." Her attacker, and formerly her lover, was in jail on domestic abuse charges, even though the injuries was more like attempted murder. Her ex however, was their in the waiting room, still by her side, and stayed 24/7 until she recovered. She would never return to her lovers house, and would leave all her belongings behind. She would have to testify in court in court to the charges the lover had accumulated in regards to her assault. The lover would get 1 year, with all time suspended as a result, and unsupervised visitation with the terms that this individual stay at least 300 feet away. "Thats all this someone got." The lover did a hell of a job of painting a woman that only dating him for his car, job, and house. How this someone, caught her with the ex, and how the actions was tantamount to a defense of being in the heat of passion, and the reaction was a result of her betrayal. Her ex would be with her from the moment of the assault, to her recovery, and to the conclusion of the trial. Against his friends and family will took her back into his life. It would be the shoe on the other foot. She could only think about what her requirements would lead to, and the one that never put her life in danger, would be the one now taking care of her. This was a long story, but some stories are even longer. Some do not end with the person still being a live to this day. It is so many families that have lost loved ones, because of such perils. All the material things came with strings, just like selling your soul to the devil, and now she would give everything back; in order to never be put through the abuse that she suffered ever again. No longer would she state, a car, job, and house, but now just wanted to be someone that never put her life in jeopardy ever again. Her lover was another woman. Now I know this would shock a lot of people, because you would think it would be a guy. Relationships, no matter orientation, has abuse that comes from all genders. Their is no one immune, and such discrimination, only comes with punitive results. The nature of this research is to give awareness to fact that is being twisted with myths of so called success. I polled a number of people(male/female) that had similiar requirements on campus. They had been in relationships in which they dated someone for the fact of what they had, and little about who they were in general. They spent more time tolerating someone, than being happy with the person, based off the fact of the individuals possessions. In the end, they was more happy to be with who accepted them for who they are, and they gave that mutual respect towards their mates. Many had similiar stories of obsession, possession, and being treated like a material object. The reality is that they became material, and wished through those hard times, that they would be treated as a human. As far as how this story compares to me, in regards to this matter of material things can lead to abusive to abusive relationships. My hypothesis was correct that it can lead lead to abusive relationships and it is one of many factors that is consider applied research. The ones going through it, is the field research. Their are so many stories about rags to riches. Many celebrities, politicians, and individual success came from next to nothing. They have watched many of us pass them bye. It would be only fitting that they pass us bye, if we was to become the reverse. I learned in one semester that money and material possessions to identify my self worth, was going to eventually leave me broke emotionally, while impacting me physically. This year will be different. Everything I was told to give up and pretend I did not have, can now be appreciated. My focus on material items, which include my car, multiple houses and apartments, and good job which I own. The lesson taught is very clear, that the price you pay for identifying others as being less than human, because of your possessions, can easily be the way that you are treated. Both sides in this situation, got the culmination of deception with the poison intent that their self worth must have a price tag. But the biggest irony to this story like so many others, it looks good on the rack, but after you wear it a couple of times, sometimes you wish you could just give it back. How many times have you forgotten the receipt in a relationship, and your ex can be the cashier at this store. The ex tells you that it can't take you back, because you don't have a receipt proving that you paid for the particular item. No refunds and no exchanges is echoed as you try to convince the store that it should take (What back?) In conclusion, this paper would not mention no names, as the sources will remain anonymous, because it is plenty of sources already out there to get further data and analysis from in regards to this study. Some of these sources are your past and present friends, family, and associates. The worse thing that you can do from this report is do what the devil tells you to do, and that is believe that it doesn't exist. Interesting Statistics that will make a lot of sense to all readers. Most respondents to a survey based off individuals given a cellphone by a relationship partner, has had their cellphones used against them. Most have been told that their privacy would be respected, but it also has been a big reason for the end of relationships. Studies also show those who was given a car, more than likely never had the car in their own name throughout the relationship. The car was given or taken away at the convenience of their relationship partner. Most was told that the car had no strings or conditions with it as well before the dissolution of the relationship. Most respondents who either lived with someone or was provided another place by a relationship partner reported that either the lease was not in their name, or that the partner continue to try to use to place, before and after the relationship, as a tool to maintain the relationship. Most respondents reported that their relationship partner knew where they worked, as far as permanent address and work phone number. During and after the relationship, that problems persisted after the dissolution of the relationship, by phone calls to the job to harrass, and even stalking in parking lots. Also, half have reported that the relationship partner even attempted to breach the office or location in which they worked, even using false pretenses as the reason for being at someone job. Most of these statistics are just a generalization of real problems people face because of material things being a requirement in the relationship. These are facts, and I hope its nothing more than fiction with those that read this article. By Merle T. Rutledge Jr
